bad fan

i am a horrible fan. ugg.... (should be punished).... one of my top 10 favorite musicans (arguably top 6 if i were so inclined to rate such things; oh wait, i am - 1) kate bush 2) prince 3) peter gabriel 4) siouxsie 5) concrete blonde/johnette napolitano 6) lloyd cole ) not only has a new album out since mid-october, but he was just in fucking minneapolis playing at my favorite venue to see him in and i didn't even know about it!

lloyd cole / antidepressant

fuckity mcfuckerton fuck fuck. i've seen lloyd ever damn time he's been in minneapolis for the last 10 years.

i'm gonna have to leave work early today, trek down to the electric fetus pick up the new disk and wrap myself in the moody wonderfulness that is mr cole.

love is blindness

the other day i caught a new rock-n-roll interview show on hbo called off the record - while i won't comment much regarding the show (other than to say it's excellent), i will say it caused me to pull out a record i haven't listened to in some time - u2's achtung baby.

the impetus for pulling out what could arguably be called u2's strongest album was the tune acrobat. there is a moment in the hbo show where the audience is allowed to ask questions and someone wanted to know about the story behind 'acrobat'. as much as 'acrobat' is probably my favorite u2 song, when i pulled out the album today, i was struck by another track - the dark, sensual and mysterious love is blindness.

love is clockworks / and cold steel / fingers too numb to feel / squeeze the handle / blow out the candle / love is blindness

this track is truly unlike anything that comes before it on the album (and that's saying something considering the "kitchen sink" production style on the album). from the opening organ swell (who the hell is playing the organ), to what can best be described as lush bass line and rolling percussion you know this somber track is going in a different direction than what came before.

there has been much debate on what this song is about... is it simply a love song (in the most obvious fashion)? is it about the edge's marriage failing? is it about terrorism? i wouldn't be surprised if it were a fragile mix of all three.

love is drowning / in a deep well / all the secrets / and no one to tell / take the money / honey / blindness

out of that opening of organ, bass & percussion, comes a voice that honest-to-god sounds broken and bruised. buried just beneath the tortured, disturbing lament of the lyric, the haunting guitar begins a tentative wail. now, the edge is one of those rock-n-roll guitarists i've never thought much about – yeah sure he’s great, a solid-go-to-guy – but he’s never been (i thought) what drew me to u2. until the interview on hbo the other night - a great amount of time was spent discussing the edge's "sound". fuck, what an idiot i've been. listening with fresh ears i've come to a conclusion.... the sound of u2 has very little to do with bono as i had always (foolishly) thought - indeed, it's all wrapped up in how the edge plays his guitar.... with 'blindness' in particular he makes his guitar cry. it's really quite the perfect mix between adam clayton's tight as a piano string bass line, larry mullen's perfect drumming and the edge's sublime (yes, cb, i said sublime) guitar (in my estimation, the best guitar solo the edge has ever done). bono's vox weaves in and out, never pulling focus - rather adding to the story.

love is blindness / in a parked car / in a crowded street / you see your love / made complete / thread is ripping / the knot is slipping / love is blindness

the song is the brilliant cap to a phenomenal album. it's sobering clarity (and simple instrumentation) puts the rest of the album's heavily produced and programmed sound into perfect perception. the cacophony of sounds that is the opening track, zoo station, slowly evolves over the course of album and fades into the organ that slowly, tightly and oh so powerfully powers love is blindness.

(addendum; for those not familer with the track, the above "live" version of the tune is different slightly than the one i describe above. namely, after the organ, the edge does a new guitar line.... it's nice, but it ain't as nice as the album version. that said - the real guitar solo in this live version is bloddy brilliant).

conversation

bc (name changed to protect the ridiculously guilty): what'cha doin'?

me: watching a cute new show on tbs called "my boys", what are you doin'?

bc: watching the cute christopher meloni on csi.

me: oh he's tired, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt

bc: he's not tired, he's daddy-licious. d-to-the-a-to-the-double-d-y-licious.

--

seriously we're that lame. i will grant bc that meloni is hot, but he's mine, not his... i saw him first. bitch stay away from my meloni!

tired as fuck

parker on radiator 11.27.06

lemme tell ya, i share the above emotion. in fact just seconds before i shot the pic, her eyes were closed and she was honest-to-god snoring (little adorable kitten snores, but snores just the same). and just minutes after; i was ready for a nap.

not sure if it's the change in seasons, but i've been ready for bed at 6pm lately - exceedingly tired... i've never put a lot of stock in that whole seasonal tired disorder thing, but i'm beginning to understand it.

my body better fuckin' adapt and soon.... i'm used to living with very little sleep - i don't like bein' tired all the time.

on the plus side to weather; minneapolis is experiencing a late fall thunderstorm. i love me some thunder and lightening... drove into work this morning cranking new order (shocked?) watching the sky light up with explosions. on the bad side, tomorrow all this will turn to snow. i'm so not ready for winter yet.

new order may 1980 - november 2006; r.i.p.

“this might be our last concert ever.” bassist peter hook talks and the show he mentions is the one new order did last saturday night in buenos aires closing personal fest’s main stage. The interview in which hook confirmed their split -at least temporary- to Página/12

a short history (with notes provided by wikipedia, new order online and q magazine):

inspired by a sex pistol's gig in 1976 (interesting how many bands were begun after seeing the pistol's drunkenly swagger through a rock-n-roll show), three friends from manchester england (bernard sumner, peter hook & terry mason) formed what would become joy division (originally titled stiff kittens and then warsaw; either one a great name if you ask me - picture it "ladies & gentlemen, please put your hands together for stiff kittens"). an advert in a manchester record store brought ian curtis into the mix and the band was solidified (sort of). fast forward 9 months and 3 drummers later - a young stephen morris was installed as drummer and the stage was set.

joy division offered a darker, more complex version of what was happening in the london punk scene. whereas punk was enthusiastically blunt, loud and aggressive; joy division offered a more solitary and bleaker version of the future. indeed; modern ambient giants such as aphex twin, massive attack and the orb owe as much to 1979's unknown pleasures and 1980's closer as they do to the works of erik satie, pink floyd & phillip glass.

in 1980 ian curtis' health (read: depression) was reaching dangerous proportions. on may 18, on the eve of joy division's inaugural u.s. tour, curtis reportedly watched werner herzog's stroszek — with the final scene suggesting the main character's suicide— and hanged himself – therefore sealing himself in the rock-n-roll pantheon of tortured artiste.



while agreements were made between members of the band prior to curtis' suicide to disband should any member leave – the band would dissolve, the three remaining members of joy division continued to tour the summer after curtis' death and even went back into the studio and recorded a number of tracks. with the album closer released posthumously (to excellent reviews), and the track “love will tear us apart” lodged solidly in the top 20, sumner, hook & morris, emerged re-born as new order.

taking their new name from an entry in the guardian entitled "the people's new order of kampuchea" and adding gillian gilbert (morris' girlfriend at the time) on keyboards and synthesizers, the band released the songs “ceremony” and “in a lonely place”; the last tracks recorded as joy division and then immediately went into the studio to work on what would become 1981's movement album.



movement, released november 1981 featured what would become one of new order's signature tracks; “temptation”. while similar in style to joy divisions dark tones, “temptation” and the rest of movement hinted at a more spirited, more electronic, more dance oriented future sound. one could even say “temptation” was almost whimsical – a great departure from the dark path of “atmosphere” from the joy division days.

the final nail in the coffin of joy division however came in 1983 with the arrival of power, corruption and lies. the electronic tip of the iceberg found on movement came to the forefront here. with their more guitar based sound now embracing and mixing fully with electronic/techno music, along with abstract / nonsense lyrics, new order was fully formed.

the cornerstone to power, corruption and lies was “blue monday” (the 12" single becoming the biggest selling 12" in the history of music). “blue monday's” ominous kick drum opening, throbbing synth-bass line (produced on a moog, then overlaid with hook's physical bass guitar lead) and sumner’s dead-pan lyrical styling’s is often seen as one of the most critical crossover hit's of the 80's new wave scene. indeed in 2003, q magazine voted “blue Monday” the 9th most influential song ever (and the only dance track in the top ten).



20 years on from power, corruption & lies (and another 7 albums later; low-life, brotherhood, substance, technique, republic, get ready and waiting for the sirens call), new order have become 'god-like geniuses' (nme 2005)... a band that was radical for it's time and continues to inspire people to pick up a guitar or turn on a keyboard, has, for now, gone quietly into the night.
the nice thing about new order tho’ is you never know if the end is really the end. with these blokes the end is usually just the beginning.

i used to think that the day would never come / i'd see delight in the shade of the morning sunmy morning sun is the drug that brings me near / to the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
new order - true faith

short & curlies

so wrong, yet, sorta hot.

hbo sneek peak; h. potter & the order of the phoenix

for cb - cause he never get's to see anything cool considering he lives like a caveman without cable:

birth announcment

i'm pleased as punch to welcome a new blog into the world - scurry on over to pozzo delle cornacchie. pozzo is the humble online abode of my good friend ray. now if i know ray, we'll get a lot of highly intelligent (if not boarderline crass, self indulgent, tacky and overtly sexual :-)) banter.

in all seriousness, ray pretty much rocks my world - he's one of the smartest guys i know and will no doubt have something interesting to say on most any given topic.

check him out.

digital vomit

while surfing the blog-o-sphere today i came across robocub. never been to his site before, but i'll be back for sure.

that beautiful beautiful man summed up something i've been struggling with for a long time. how to properly communicate my distaste for myspace - check it out: digital vomit

i'm not gay enough

it's true - i'm not gay enough to be gay...

i used to think that i was a pretty average gay man, i like the hotties, i like dance music, i like sex - but the realization that i'm not your typical gay man has been creeping into my consciousness quite a bit lately.

i'll give you a few examples:

• joe.my.god has a clip of a music video by brian kent (former mr nyc eagle)... now on all surface levels, i should dig the clip; i do enjoy a well produced dance tune, i do enjoy a woofy man such as mr kent and i'm all for jumping on the band wagon for man on man action in a video (seriously underrepresented in the music video milieu if you ask me) - but the song is just terrible. seriously. reminds me of bad marky mark dance music from the early 90's. i have a phrase for music such as this: "euro-fag dance music". the music is all beat with no interesting phrasing or structure to it. there's just nothing here except the over-the-top beat and diva-esque vocal stylings of mr kent. why is it that every gay man on the planet seems to love this shit except me? must not be gay enough. i pride myself on having a pretty eclectic and well-rounded musical interests - but these super gay tunes are (for the most part) just fuckin' terrible. thankfully, joe redeemed his blog with the glorious remembrance of ruth brown he has also posted.
• there are a couple of blogs out here from gentlemen in southern area of the u.s who seem woefully attuned to just their penises with nary a thought or concern for anything other than getting laid. i'll not name names for a couple of reasons: a) karma kicks ass and i'm sure it would come round and lay a boot upside my ass in a hurry and b) i realize that what we put out in the blog-o-sphere is just one aspect of our personalities (hopefully) and that what these two bloggers represent is probably (hopefully) not the full dimension of their lives. however - with that said, surly being gay doesn't mean that we think about is sex and we're throwing ourselves at other bloggers via their comment boxes in a continual trashy manner. or does it? maybe being gay is just about getting as much tail as possible. and sure, there is nothing wrong with flirting - god knows i do my fair share of flirting - but hopefully i'm also putting out into the universe the vibe that there is more to me than just my dick. these bloggers i'm talking about seem to be overly predicated on the concept that sex is all there is.
• while on the subject of sex; lets talk about casual sex. firstly, let it be stated that i've done it (and chances are i'll do it again), but here's the deal - i don't get much out of casual sex. yes, tab a goes into slot b and that takes care of a base animal instinct/human need. i get that (and fully support the concept of tabs and slots), but for me just simply taking care of the base instinct leaves me a bit hollow. my lack of taste for casual sex does not (as some will indicate) mean that i'm a prude or that i have puritanical views of sex. nor does it mean, if you like casual sex, that you are a slut. it just means we have different views on sex (and one might say intimacy). for me, the casual sex situations that have been the most rewarding are those where you meet someone and the pure magnetism of the situation compels you to ditch your clothes and go at it like wildebeests in heat. i like that. i like that a lot actually. what i don't like is finding someone in a bar (or online) and kinda going "eh, it'll work" or "i'm so fuckin' horny, he'll do". yes, i've done it. no it doesn't do much for me. sex (for me) should be wild and intimate and intense and rewarding. not hollow and empty. if the feeling after sex is worse than before, then what's the point?
• drugs. ok, on this point, i'm completely comfortable being separate from the pack. i don't get meth or coke or crystal. these substances, if you ask me, are bringing about the downfall of modern gay life. these drugs do not make life better, in-fact they destroy it. i find it to be a dichotomy that circuit parties are raising funds for hiv/aids organizations all around, yet, the meth and crystal scene is so prevalent at circuit parties. it's been pretty well established that meth and crystal use is linked with syphilis and hiv infection rates raising. i just don't get the whole drugs and party atmosphere concept.
• bars. another thing i'm just not big on is gay bars. i go out a few times every couple of months to remind myself what it was like. a big reason i don't do the bar thing is that i'm pretty shy. i get that it's half me. i really do. but lets say i wanna hang out with my friends on a saturday night, go to a bar and have a few beers - that's all good right? what usually seems to happen is that someone in the group (or some people) end up ditching the friend group and go hook up with a hottie across the dance floor. is it just me or is that just kinda bullshit? if i'm in a bar with my buddies - i wanna hang out with my buddies. it annoys the shit out of me when someone ditches the group to go get laid. nothing wrong with flirting or dancing or what not, but i hate being ditched. it's a fundamental part of who i am (and for the record, i totally get the psychological aspect of the issue) - it's still not cool.

i should stipulate, the above challenges i have with being gay in no way are meant to show a "i'm better than all of you" mindset.... in truth, it's just my challenge with not-quite-fitting in with the gay world. i have many friends who seem to do it better than i - and huge parts of me are are jealous that they do - but then, i'm reminded that it's the differences that make us stronger. i just wish our community would honor the differences a bit more, instead of just wanting all of us to be cookie-cutter chelsea boys. and no, i don't have a huge chip on my shoulder (tho' certainly from reading the above, i can understand how someone would get that impression... lol), it's just my view.

so there you go, i'm don't quite fit in. most day's, i'm ok with that. just some days, i wish it were all just a little easier.

music heard:

clint mansell's amazing score for the sublimely beautiful film 'the fountain'

back to the well

i am also grateful for:

kevin smith
ass to mouth
the donkey show
dante (mmmmm dante)
rosario dawson

you think you know, but you don't - just watch:

ahh thanksgiving

a time of year to reflect on what makes us grateful; not to mention a time of year to gorge on food....

this year, i'm forgoing the family feast; it's just too much considering it's just me and my mom - i was gonna go over to amy's for a bite, but i think all my recent travel is catching up with me and i'm a bit out of it...

but regardless of if i eat turkey and pie or not (mmmmm pie), there are a few things i am thankful for:

• my health - my itp appears to be in total remission & the hemophilia hasn't affected me in any major way in quite a long time.
• parker - yea, i know it's super gay to love a cat, but seriously - she rocks my world.
• my friends: stacey, scott, cb, amy, bill, ax & jerry, wendy, jen, ray & jeremy, greg, stephanie & shelly and hammer - words really can't express what your friendship means to me and while we may not talk as much as we'd like, your always in my heart.
• my job; it's so rare these days to have a job that you love, combined with working for a company you truly respect.
• my mom.
• the fact we finally have a democratic run house and senate
• being american
• being gay
• the blog-o-sphere.... (amazing men and woman who pour there hearts out for all to read/share)
• music & the people who write it.... prince, kate bush, peter gabriel, siouxsie, lloyd cole, madonna, johnette napolitano - the soundtrack to my life and the thing that makes me happiest
• daniel craig as the new bond - woof.
• trevor at steady tattoo for giving me a kick ass tattoo
• buddha for showing me the path and for guiding me back to the path when i loose my way

music heard:

never say never / romeo void

gapu / yothu yindi

coming out of the shadows

holy shit, has it really been more than 10 days since i last posted... ugg. to my faithful 4 readers, my apologies. i'm slowly extracting myself from the last few months of insane work. i'm off to boston for a little mini-show this weekend and then i'm home for a few months. i'm anxious to chill a bit.

i've kinda been in a self imposed hermit mode lately - i'm not sure why, but the onset of winter tends to do this to me a bit. even tho' i've been super busy at work, i've been horrible at returning calls/emails (especially to ray).... i'll be better soon - totally promise!

couple of random updates - phase 2 of the sleeve is complete - check it out:

phase 3 will begin sometime in december - linking the sleeve together with phase 1 & adding the tibetan prayer flags above the current bit. trevor @ steady tattoo is a god. a god i tell you.

last week i was in st louis for another mini-show (just two guest artists, 150 or so attendees, cocktail reception) - the show went amazingly well - really really nice.

this pic was taken about 30,000 feat somewhere over iowa. the twin cities is still snow free, and honestly - i'm ok with that - i'm just not ready for winter yet.... tho' it sure looks pretty from here.

while in st louis i took time out to see the gateway arch - yea, i played tourist for a few minutes (it's all you really need is a few minutes)..... on my way to see the arch, i stumpled on the above location - an old switzers licorice factory. i really love burned out buildings like this - shows some real history if you ask me.

i took shitloads of pics of the arch (it really is an engineering marvel), but this one is my favorite. i also took the elevator (lets use that term loosely) to the top. it's not the greatest view, but it's pretty fuckin' cool overall.

lily was here

a) dave stewart is a god - such a beautifully understated, simple tune - but fuckin' beautiful.
b) candy dulfer; not bad considering she was 17 when this was recorded. the woman knows her way around a sax.
c) rented the moview "lily was here" soley cause dave did the score - movie sucks.

3 of me

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 3 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

what i found more interesting (you can too if you do it for yourself) is this:

there are 245,974 people in the U.S. with my same first name.
statistically the 263rd most popular first name. (tied with 3 other first names)
97.56 percent of people with the first name kyle are male (though i love it for a girl's name).

there are 3,900 people in the U.S. with my last name.
statistically the 8512th most popular last name. (tied with 90 other last names).

now, some of you will know i dispise my last name. hate it with a passion and one of these days i will get off my ass and change it. i will be changing it to my maternal grandmother's madien name. not only will i get rid of a crappy foul last name (that i associate with my foul, bastard of a father), i'll get to honor my grandmother by taking her name - and i think that rocks.

when i do this however, i will become less unique as i will then share my name with 22 other blokes. oh well... lol.