sick bastards

actual conversation from this morning - names have been changed to protect the gulity.

her: how you doing baby?
me: i'm good - you?
her: better
me: did you kill <name removed to protect the guilty; lesbian lover>
her: ha, no
its fine
me: are you better cause your soon to have a new prison girlfriend because you killed her??
oh good
her: she was pms
and annoying the hell out of me
me: bitch
her: hahahahahaahah
i told her all the reasons that she was acting crazy
and she listened
me: maybe she just needs a big man penis?
her: HAHAHAHA
that would make her LESS crazy?!?!?
please.
me: you know all you lesbo’s - it's just a phase
her: hahahahaha
ts true
:p
yuck
you know you have Britneys vag as your wallpaper on you computer
me: her meat curtains are everywhere these days
her: ugh
me: that's courtesy of my friend lobo.
lol
her: i could have lived my entire existence in blissful ignorance
now i am soiled
me: you know you'd tap that ass if given a choice.
her: and have nightmares
me: you & brit - true love
its' a new reality series on fox
her: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
omg
it WOULD be hysterical
me and britany
me: you petition the court for parental rights for SPF & JJ (the missing one you never see in pics)
you and brit on holiday on fire island
her: hmmm
me: you and brit shopping at whole foods for your organic body-butter
me: brit complaining about brunch (for the uninitiated; brunch is the name of a great dane) drool all over the baby
her: ha
PLEASE
the baby would DROWN in drool and she wouldn't notice
me: <lesbian ex-gf> killing brit in a desperate jealous ploy to win you back
her: me complaining about paris leaving her shit all over the house
me: but you would be too distraught in taking care of "your kids" to notice
at least you know Paris would never leave her underwear around
or Brit for that matter
her: hahahahahahah
me: Meat curtains all over the joint
her: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
me: you know you'd want Paris to join for your annual 3 way
just on your anniversary
her: i wouldn't be able to FIND her
me: why not?
her: she needs a few sandwiches
me: you'd think she'd have more bounce in the trunk being from cali... how's that song go...? "we've got more bounce in california...?
her: hahahah
yeah not so much
me: you and nicky could go in business together in a nice sub-plot
her: hahahahahahahhahahaahahahah
me: Parker/Hilton Design Group, LLC
her: ah nicky
me: at least she tries
her: the 'good' one