i've been thinkin' about you baby...come live with me

honest to god/buddha/krishna/allah nothing makes me quite as happy as new music. sliding that silver disk into the slot, or dropping the needle in the groove, or hell - even clicking on "buy song" and then wrapping the headphones 'round my ears and taking in the new tunes - it seriously turns me on.

twilight singers (referenced previously here: sr...sl/twilight) is the band of one of my favorite songwriters; greg dulli. mr. dulli used to be in a band called the afghan whigs which pretty much rocked my world. the singers, while not a "rock" band in the truest (or most obvious)sense of the word still rock my world. dulli & company have an uncanny way of wrapping a turn of phrase around a slinky bass line or driving drums or harmonic organ. more lowkey (even at their loudest moments), and certainly more electric (and eclectic) than the whigs - it's been a fuckin' blast to watch greg & co. on their musical journey.

october 10 marked their latest e.p. release "a stitch in time". this 5 song disk features such alt-rock luminaries as mark lanegan (formerly of screaming trees) and joseph arthur joining the fun. the e.p. opens with the sublime 'live with me' originally written and performed by massive attack. that's one of the things i really love twilight singers - they're not afraid of playing with other musical genre's, in this case turning an electronic tune into a killer blues rock exploration.

i've had this thing in my ears non-stop all day today. i've just burned the disk (purchased legally of course from itunes) and i'm gonna crank it all the way home when i leave work in a few. seriously fuckin' happy. the music is great, greg's voice is urgent and sexy and dangerous and the band sounds better than they've sounded in ages.

i was gonna fly to n.c. to see cb to see the band live in a couple weeks; but work calls and i won't be able to make it - now i just gotta talk cb into a weekend trip somewhere else to see one of my top ten favorite bands rip it up live.

"...your mind don't need to know, the blind are lead below, but baby when we close our eyes you feel the lover start to sympathise..." sublime/ twilight singers

big crying mess.

yup that's what i am after watching this video. damn sweet moment.



after watching the video go here to read the article: redeyechicago.com/proposal

picture of the day

so on friday i had the entire day to myself in chicago - i bummed around the city, took an architectural boat cruise, went to the museum of contemporary art chicago; just generally hung out in a city everyone seems to love (except me).

now that said, i had an exceptionally good day just pokin' around and taking in the city. maybe chicago ain't as bad as i think.

i fancy myself a bit of an architecture geek and on that tip, i gotta give the windy city props. this is my favorite pic that i took on friday, i love the old meets modern vibe and the clean line of the skyscraper mixed with the historic nature of the church.

update / rant

ok, have not said much lately cause mostly i've just been busy as fuck traveling all over producing shows and sales meetings (you know your traveling a lot when your status on worldperks goes up two levels in one week)..... here's the quicky update:

• camera stolen in cleveland
• new camera purchased, not sure i like, may return
• no resolution on the mice situation
• two new shows added to my calendar in november
• still casually looking for a new apartment
• picked up the cat/dog from my mom's last night; she's been there for two months - ugg
• officially a virgin again
• officially fed up with this country's direction
• wen't to del and scott's commitment ceremony. so damn cute it'll make you sick. congrat's boys :-)
• saw the rock and roll hall of fame; not impressed (and saddened a bit by this)
• picked up the new killers cd; liked it.
• also got the new basement jaxx (good), a siouxsie re-issue (great) and a robbie dvd (in love).
• hung out with ray & jeremy for two days in chicago. was wonderful to see them
• took an architectural boat cruise of the chicago river & lake michigan - pictures to follow
• had dinner at panangs in china-town - mango shrimp is buddha's gift to food

ok, there's my life in a nutshell for the past two weeks or so....

and now here's my rant. i have not touched the foley scandal as i was still trying to process it all. but it comes down to this. the hypocrisy of the republican party is outrageous. why are the dem's not doing anything?

for a party that runs primarily on family values (and fear), this is interesting (taken from http://www.armchairsubversive.com/):

- Republican Congressman Mark Foley abruptly resigned from Congress after "sexually explicit" emails surfaced showing him flirting with a 16-year old boy.
- Republican executive Randall Casseday of the conservative Washington Times newspaper was arrested for soliciting sex from a 13-year old girl on the internet.
- Republican chairman of the Oregon Christian Coalition Lou Beres confessed to molesting a 13-year old girl.
- Republican County Constable Larry Dale Floyd was arrested on suspicion of soliciting sex with an 8-year old girl. Floyd has repeatedly won elections for Denton County, Texas, constable.
- Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to fondling a 10-year old girl and was sentenced to 10 years probation.
- Republican Party leader Bobby Stumbo was arrested for having sex with a 5-year old boy.
- Republican petition drive manager Tom Randall pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 14, one of them the daughter of an associate in the petition business.
- Republican County Chairman Armando Tebano was arrested for sexually molesting a 14-year-old girl.
- Republican teacher and former city councilman John Collins pleaded guilty to sexually molesting 13 and 14 year old girls.
- Republican campaign worker Mark Seidensticker is a convicted child molester.
- Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.
- Republican Mayor Tom Adams was arrested for distributing child pornography over the internet.
- Republican Mayor John Gosek was arrested on charges of soliciting sex from two 15-year old girls.
- Republican County Commissioner David Swartz pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 11 and was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
- Republican legislator Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.
- Republican Committeeman John R. Curtain was charged with molesting a teenage boy and unlawful sexual contact with a minor.
- Republican anti-abortion activist Howard Scott Heldreth is a convicted child rapist in Florida.
- Republican zoning supervisor, Boy Scout leader and Lutheran church president Dennis L. Rader pleaded guilty to performing a sexual act on an 11-year old girl he murdered.
- Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.
- Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
- Republican racist pedophile and United States Senator Strom Thurmond had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child.
- Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.
- Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.
- Republican advertising consultant Carey Lee Cramer was sentenced to six years in prison for molesting two 8-year old girls, one of whom appeared in an anti-Gore television commercial.
- Republican activist Lawrence E. King, Jr. organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.
- Republican lobbyist Craig J. Spence organized child sex parties at the White House during the 1980s.
- Republican Congressman Donald "Buz" Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail.
- Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.
- Republican activist Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children.
- Republican campaign chairman Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child and was arrested again five years later on the same charge.
- Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a female minor working as a congressional page.
- Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his step daughter.
- Republican Judge Ronald C. Kline was placed under house arrest for child molestation and possession of child pornography.
- Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
- Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped.
- Republican activist Marty Glickman (a.k.a. "Republican Marty"), was taken into custody by Florida police on four counts of unlawful sexual activity with an underage girl and one count of delivering the drug LSD.
- Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography.
- Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old baby sitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.
- Republican preacher Stephen White, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
- Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.
- Republican anti-gay activist Earl "Butch" Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.
- Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.
- Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.
- Republican politician Andrew Buhr was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.
- Republican legislator Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16 (i.e. exposing himself to children).
- Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was found guilty of molesting a 15-year old girl.
- Republican County Councilman Keola Childs pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.
- Republican activist John Butler was charged with criminal sexual assault on a teenage girl.
- Republican candidate Richard Gardner admitted to molesting his two daughters.
- Republican Councilman and former Marine Jack W. Gardner was convicted of molesting a 13-year old girl.
- Republican County Commissioner Merrill Robert Barter pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual contact and assault on a teenage boy.
- Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15 year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.
- Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.
- Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.
- Republican strategist and Citadel Military College graduate Robin Vanderwall was convicted in Virginia on five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet.
- Republican city councilman Mark Harris, who is described as a "good military man" and "church goer," was convicted of repeatedly having sex with an 11-year-old girl and sentenced to 12 years in prison.
- Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter.
- Republican campaign worker, police officer and self-proclaimed reverend Steve Aiken was convicted of having sex with two underage girls.
- Republican director of the "Young Republican Federation" Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison.
- Republican president of the New York City Housing Development Corp. Russell Harding pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer.
- Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr., was found guilty of raping a 15-year old girl. Dasen, 62, who is married with grown children and several grandchildren, has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women.
- Republican Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld authorized the rape of children in Iraqi prisons in order to humiliate their parents into providing information about the anti-American insurgency. See excerpt of one prisoner's report here and his full report here.

i bet if u threw that ass in the air it would turn into sunshine

ahh yes, the brilliance of prince - is the video great? naw, but that fuckin' horn section kills on this thing.

this one's for wendy....

82 things...

i hate incomplete lists. seriously.

for the past few months i've been writing the 100 things about post that every blog seems to have. mostly, i write it when in the air flying here, or there.

but it's not complete, so i have not posted it.

however, the buddhist in me needs to see the complete in the incomplete so as a lesson, i've decided to post what i have.

more to come i'm sure.

1. kyle is my middle name. i don’t go by or use my first name. and one day i'll get off my ass and change it (and my last name too - i hate my last name)
2. i’ve crashed 3 cars (1 was for sure my fault, 1 may have been and i’m pretty sure 1 was so not my fault).
3. i hate cheese in cheese form and on sandwiches.
4. i’m ok with cheese in something – lasagna, pizza, greek etc…
5. i learned the most about sex from a “sex encyclopedia” (with pictures) that was on my parents bookshelf – i would sneak a look at it whenever I could.
6. the first records (45’s) i owned (other than disney/kids stuff) was black magic woman (santana) and disco duck – i was 5 or 6.
7. i can still remember where i was when i first listened to: prince & the revolution’s around the world in a day (walking down 46th street in columbia heights, mn on a cassette in my walkman), prince & the revolution’s parade (driving back to school after cutting class to buy it & listening to it in the car) and prince’s sign o’ the times (during play practice on my cassette walkman).
8. i am (to most people’s surprise) painfully shy.
9. i’m afraid of roller coasters.
10. the first rock concert i was allowed to attend was a christian artist named steve taylor – to this day, i dig steve taylor (except when he gets overly preachy, which doesn’t happen too often).
11. my first real concert was madonna’s who’s that girl tour in ‘87.
12. i also saw madonna’s drowned world tour in madison square garden (15th row center).
13. given a choice, i’d rather see a band/singer in a: 1) club/bar 2) small theater 3) stadium
14. i’ve seen prince over 100 times
15. the top 5 best concerts i ever saw were (in no particular order):
- prince @ paisley park in 1996 when he premiered the emancipation album.
- madonna @ madison square garden in 2001.
- the twilight singers @ the fine line in 2004.
- siouxsie @ house of blues in chicago in 2005.
- concrete blonde @ first avenue on the mexican moon tour.
16. i’m really bad at math. really bad.
17. i’m a pretty damn good photographer if you ask me. i’d be dangerous with a real camera.
18. king george is bringing about the complete & total downfall of the united states.
19. pepsi is god’s gift to pop. tho’ i only allow myself to drink it when i’m on a plane or producing an event (or really stressed out).
20. i’ve only been in one physical fight and it was in 6th grade.
21. i make the world’s best jambalaya. really.
22. i once drove a friend of mine to the clinic to get an abortion.
23. i believe it is fundamentally important to allow a woman the right to choose.
24. i’m very conflicted when a woman says the father has no say in her having the child or not.
25. i realize this is a dichotomy.
26. i like the smell of gasoline.
27. i believe in ghosts
28. i also believe there is life elsewhere in the universe.
29. cuddling is more intimate than fucking.
30. i have no discernable athletic talent.
31. i hate sleeping in clothes.
32. the song ‘gabriel’ by lamb is quite possibly the most beautiful song i have ever heard.
33. the song ‘strange relationship’ by prince reminds me of cindy.
34. i’ve not talked to cindy since 1988.
35. this saddens me tremendously.
36. i do have a tendency to end friendships.
37. i lost cindy to drugs.
38. i have no tolerance for drugs.
39. that said i have smoked a joint or two. i don’t feel strongly one way or another about marijuana.
40. kate bush is god.
41. there is no refuting that belief.
42. i would spend as much money as possible to see kate perform.
43. as she has not performed in public in a very very very long time, i do not think i’ll ever get that opportunity.
44. i’m the rare kate fan that prefers ‘the sensual world’ to her masterwork ‘hounds of love’.
45. tho’ i gotta give it up to hounds… that thing is fuckin’ brilliant.
46. i believe in the power of song placement on a record.
47. kate bush’s ‘nocturn’ amazes me on every level; from the voice to the lyrics to the arrangment – it could give lamb’s ‘gabriel’ a run for it’s money.
48. kate has a symbol that’s hidden in each of her album covers, i have that symbol tattooed on my ankle
49. i have 6 tattoos.
50. i will tell you about any of them (except one).
51. i am getting more
52. i hate that at 36, i’m still alone.
53. i have quite possibly the best job in the world.
54. the company i work for has ruined me for ever working for a corporation again. they understand that you can balance the right way to do business without affecting the planet and it’s indigenous people’s in a harmful manner while still making a profit and showing real care for the well-being of their employees..
55. i am a complete and total work-a-holic. but i love it. every minute.
56. i have grown more, and been challenged more in the past year and a half in my current role, then in the last 15 years of my professional life.
57. i honestly don’t get why straight guys are struck dumb by a woman’s breasts.
58. to the best of my knowledge, i have never slept with a woman.
59. that said, there is a very slight chance something may have happened in winnipeg in 1989.
60. i was drunk enough that i couldn’t say with any amount of certainty one way or another if something happened.
61. my favorite painter is mark rothko
62. i think the ipod is one of the greatest inventions of recent time.
63. i have two ipod's. they have names: “catch” and “whaley-boy”.
64. both names come from characters in christopher moore’s books.
65. my favorite book of all time (and subsequently movie) is to kill a mockingbird.
66. until it actually happened, i never thought I would live to be 30 years old.
in fact, I couldn’t even comprehend the possibility, or visualize that life.
67. i do not know my biological father, nor did i have a good relationship with my adoptive father.
68. both men essentially walked out on me.
69. i’m pretty sure that that might have something to do with my innate distrust of most men.
70. i believe in absolutes. there is very little that is “grey” in my life. i either love it or hate.
71. i wear my heart on my sleeve and you know if i like you or not and what i think about a given situation.
72. i have 3 piercing’s. two of which are in my left ear.
73. the guitar solo in the song ‘dolphin’ by prince is one of the most blissfully perfect moments in music.
74. that said, the tune ‘i love u, but do not trust u anymore’ also by prince is one of the most hauntingly intimate songs about the end of a relationship i’ve ever heard and almost always makes me cry.
75. it has taken me approx. 3 months to write this list. but it’s been kinda cool going through this process.
76. there is nothing quite like watching the sunset from above the clouds.
77. the original title of this blog was ‘kyle loves bunnies’
78. though i don’t actually have strong feelings about bunnies one way or another. it was just something landry and i came up with one night.
79. it still kinda makes me giggle when I think of the old title.
80. i really like words. tho’ i tend to overuse a word when i really like it until even i grow tired of it.
81. as such i love a good turn of phrase or lyric.
82. my love of lyrics annoys cb to no end. which is odd, ‘cause he loves poetry.

color me annoyed

greetings from cleveland...

...so i'm sitting in a starbucks (really, does the world need a double shot of starbucks?) because my hotel room at the lovely wyndham playhouse square hotel in aromatic downtown cleveland isn't ready (i won't begin to describe what the aroma in question is - but it ain't good) and i logged on to read comments from my wonderfully intelligent and charming (not to mention stylish, attractive as hell and witty) audience and i got this regarding my recent post on the war:

• Anonymous said...
  So what's your point????
  Friday, September 22, 2006 10:18:39 AM

let me start by saying i fucking hate anonymous comments. i think, for the most part it's terribly rude to leave an anonymous comment. i mean really, why hide behind anoniminty? if you feel strongly about something then you should feel comfortable putting your name on it - don't you think?

what really troubles me about the above (and a few other regular anonymous posters) is that there isn't enough of a statement there to actually know if he/she is being positive, challenging or argumentative. couple that with my inability to enter into a discussion/debate with anonymous and i get annoyed. i mean seriously - if your going to post be willing to debate your ideas, otherwise - really, what is the point?

so then, effective now, i will no longer allow annoymous comments on my blog. on a personal level this only really affects me with my friend ray (he doesn't have an account, but should get one) - everyone else that comments tends to have an account. at least ray had the balls to sign his name (or leave a signature remark on the post that i could use to identify him with).

anyone wanna debate me on this, or in anoymous wants to come out of the closet, feel free to email me.

more to talk about but i have a meeting with the hotel regarding my show this weekend.

cheers to all!

p.s., i hate bloggers spell check program.

the softer side of robbie

ahem....:



dead sexy, that's all i'm gonna say.

and now.. for no other reason than, i can here's robbie in the buff.... cheeky bastard:

a dirth of posts...

...have you noticed.

yea, yea, yea, your sick of hearing how busy i am... just deal.

i've been home for about a minute and a half and now, am off to dullas va (don't be jealous), from there i go to cleveland (i know, hot in'it?) and then cincinnati (you know you wanna be me).

to sum up my life thusly: one amazingly dull hotel room:

hotel not to be named to protect the guilty - suffice to say, the shitties event service of any hotel i've ever experienced.

to another:

the hilton park cities. a lovely hotel with bad taste in bedding.

of the 8 regional sales meetings i'm producing around the country, the new york metro version is one of them that i couldn't attend due to previous commitments. and that meeting was today.

of course, that is the meeting that went a dramatically bad way.

tonight, as i was packing for my next trip i got a call from the vice president who's meeting's i was producing.

short story: mice. lots and lots of mice. all over the meeting, from a mouse on a curtain rod, to a mouse during dinner, to a mouse scampering across the meeting space.

suffice to say, the veep is not pleased and it's now my job to resolve this with the hotel. guess what i'll be dealing with in the morning.

it's shit like this that makes me wanna drink - i mean seriously, it's not hard to keep a clean place is it?

2,684 dead

willfully stolen from planet voenix:

also, i have not tracked our casualty count as of late - but given king george's complete and total lack of respect for the people of the world (unless of course they're republican, pro choice, god fearing americans), i thought it was time to mention it again.

2,684 - u.s. casualties in the iraq war (i refuse to call it a war on terror)
8,898 - iraqi security forces and civilian casualties

both numbers culled from: iccasualties.org

boys in chaps... yum

from my recent show in dallas.

let me sum up by saying i love my job i love my job i love my job!!! and, not that any of you are looking at the details, but the guest artist who used these chaps, actually embedded advertising posters from my company into the chaps themselves - looked amazing. and the boys (ahem, packages) certainly weren't bad either... hehehe

goin' 2 atl

Well the show is over (one more this season), and I'm sitting in the oh so lovely (sarcasm dripping freely) dallas fort worth(less) airport - myflight is delayed and I've just had a tasty beer and am more than ready for a nap.

I'm on my way to atlanta for a sales meeting I'm producing. From there I fly beack to dallas for another sales meeting.

Regarding the show, there were a number of really cool parts, and more than myfairshare of "how the fuck did we just pull that off" moments.

Whaen I get a real net connection ill post some pic's - a couple of which, the homo's will love (all ill say is "chaps".

More when I get to atl....

new feature here at sr...sl

the hotel rooms of kyle.

i spend an obscene amount of time in hotel rooms - so now you all get to help me compare. may i present the hilton anatole in dallas texas:

score: 7/10. the room is comfortably appointed and the artwork (asian) is really quite nice. the bed is comfy. the bathroom (ooh i should take a pic of that) is cramped with bad lighting (which makes shaving less than ideal). also the room had a vague smoke smell. hate that. the business center charges $2/print, .25/copy & $9.00 to fax the first 3 pages of a document and then some ungodly number for pages after 3.

on a more exciting front - my boss lives in toronto, so i only ever see her on events; yesterday was my annual review. let me quote here: "you are the best show manager we've ever had." let me sum up the review by saying i rock!

here's a view of my boss (the black dot sitting in the middle) just after my review:

the joys of blackberry

Welcome to me first remote post using my b'berry.

I'm sitting at the minneapoplis st paul international airport just about getting whiplash from all the uber hot guys. Woof, this place is swimming in beefcake!

So I have on flaw (that's right just one), procrastination. While the + side of this is that I thrive on last minute energy, sometimes I push it just a bit too much...

I had the brilliant idea that I would wake up early (which I did) and pack this morning for my 8 day business trip... God was that dumb! I fucked around too much this morning and was seriously scrambling to get ready before tthe cab arrived.

Lesson learned, ill be much better in the future. Seriously... Stop laughing at that (grin).

More after I get to dallas.

the sky is a poisonous garden

first off, points to anyone who can tell me the source of the title of this post.... the sky was indeed a poisonous garden tonight - the pics, of the minneapolis sky, were taken as i left the office tonight:

one last pic, my new toy: blackberry 8700c. i'm completely in love with it, but may only be keeping it for a few months - sometime this fall blackberry will be coming out with the 'black pearl' - i'm anxious to see that! (oh, and yes, i turned into one of 'those' people tonight, talking on my bluetooth handsfree while wandering the aisles of a store talkin to cb {but mainly i did it to annoy cb]).

posts may be a bit sporadic over the next week or so, i'm off to dallas tomorrow morning for a show, then sunday night i fly to atlanta for a sales meeting i'm producing, then wednesday, i'm back in dallas for another sales meeting - home friday night.

sip your tequila / give me some time to unlearn all i've learned / for the spring to unwind

looks good to me

i honestly don't know what all the fuss is about daniel craig being the new james bond - seriously, it can't be all because of the blonde hair. he def. looks the part to me:

and the trailer looks hot as hell:

and really, isn't it about time they re-invented this series?

from the book of obvious....

....dating sucks.

fucking sucks.

so cb (and ray, camel, ax and many others who read this blog) will tell you that i'm too picky when it comes to dating and that perhaps, just perhaps i should be more open to the experience and date/fuck/whatever with more regularity and bring down the curve when it comes to who i choose to go out with. i know they mean well, and i do appreciate it (on a certain level ), pisses me off too. lol.

and i have to admit hearing them say it as often as they do has kinda got me to thinking, do i expect the unachievable? do i have a wish list of characteristics of a future partner that i will never be able to mark off all of the options?

i don't really think so. am i choosy...? yea. and truth be told, i'm kinda ok with that. yes i spend too much time home alone and i certainly would like to explore the forbidden fruits more than i do - but at the end of the day, i just don't wanna settle.... and damnit, i don't think i should have to.

my list of desirables is actually not all that long, and certainly not that specific. of course, everyone lusts after the guys with perfect bodies and money and all of those trappings, but in the big reality of day-to-day life, i really don't expect those things. i'm a far site from perfect, i don't expect anyone else to be perfect.

what i do expect/want/desire is intelligence, loyalty, compassion, talent, humor and sexy eyes (the only physical trait that's a must - i like to get lost in eyes). i find that my physical type changes frequently and has much more to do with the person than the body.

so with cb's words ringing in my ears i agreed to "meet" a guy on sunday. this particular guy - lets call him bob, is someone i've talked to on and off for about a year online. Invariably, these conversations never went particularity well. bob you see, was fond of not really answering questions or giving vague responses all the while informing me that i was the one with the problem. more than anything i hate feeling like i'm being fucked with - nothing will make me pissed off faster than feeling like i'm being played. repeatedly this is how i felt with this guy, yet he would always come back, initiate the chat and be charming for a bit before pissing me off. i feel like i'm playing a game to which i don't know the rules.

well sunday, he found me online and asked me out. it was a beautiful day and he suggested a drive to stillwater. stillwater is about 40 miles away from minneapolis and one of the most beautiful small towns you've ever seen. i agreed (somewhat hesitantly) realizing i need to put myself out there if i ever expect to have someone in my life again, right?

well, almost immediately i knew it wasn't gonna go well. when he picked me up, his car was a complete and total mess - shit everywhere (if your going to insist on driving, as he did, at least stop at a gas station before hand and toss out the trash) - and he was a smoker. my gut response was to say thanks, no thanks - but then i thought... "maybe saying no right off the bat is part of my problem". so i got in the car and away we went.

perhaps it was nervous energy, but bob was a mile-a-minute talker. talking about all the things that have happened in his life that have gone wrong and how its everyone elses' fault. and how he hasn't had a ltr for years, but how he had a fuck buddy for about 5 years but how he had to cut if off 'cause "it just wasn't going anywhere". now, i've noticed this is a common trait with gay men - and it annoys the fuck out of me. honestly, take a good long honest look in the mirror; invariably we all have something to do with the situation we are in. i can honestly say everything that has happened to me; i had some ownership in it.

then he launched into everything that is wrong with me personality wise - apparently he's always thought i was a little demanding and bossy, but yet, why did he ask me out..? continually ask me out. throughout all of his diatribes he would casually grab my knee or rub against me in the car. apparently i'm also a control freak (which i really don't think i am in my personal life... i think i'm pretty easy going in the big picture).

once we were in stillwater, he would "bump" into me while we were walking down the street or browsing in the antique stores that line the street. i will give him credit for asking if he could smoke in the car (i said no, perhaps that makes me a control freak); so he waited until we were outside... the conversation was odd and forced and he brought it back to me a time or two that we could have met a year ago if i hadn't been so bossy online.

he was throwing some heavy signals that he would like to get to know me better (again, if i'm so terrible, why?) and on the ride home i made it pretty clear that this was not a date; just a chance to meet and hang out. as we got closer to my apartment he asked if he could come up - i said no. i mean, really - what was the point. if there was an attraction, it was certainly one sided... i'm not looking for a fuck buddy, and if i were, it would be someone a little more evolved - and someone who didn't tell me what was wrong with me constantly.

i will say i did try, i tried to get him to talk about his passions/interests etc..., but he always just came back to how his last job did him wrong, the fuck buddy wasn't taking it to the next level etc...

wow, i sound mean. i swear i wasn't being outwardly mean.

there was just no spark between him and i. not even a friendship spark. and i really don't understand why he would want to hang with me (hang being the operative word), if i'm as controlling bossy and mean as he said. (i won't even go into detail about the awkward moment in the car with the hug/handshake/kiss moment - ewww).

i really don't get it.

i'm sure bob is a good person, but he's just not the person for me. and i'm not the person for him.

if this is what my friends mean by get back out there and lower my standards, i don't want to. i'd rather be alone.

is it so hard to find someone that can challenge me mentally, physically and emotionally who's not afraid of being real or just wants to hang out and cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, or go up north and go camping or go enjoy a nice dinner? i want someone that has interests and passions and believes in something.

yes, i'm lonely (wow that was hard to admit to the world at large), and i do want to put myself out there more, but at what cost? i lost about 3-4 hours of my life i'll never get back - all for what, to hear about what a rotten person i am, while having the same person throw themselves at me?

it's just not worth it.

i
hate
dating.

but i'm not going to give up - i'm going to try and put myself out there more, flaws and all.

music heard...:

sophie b. hawkins / listen
the twilight singers / feeling of gaze
new order / working overtime
tori amos / fayth
george clinton / paint the white house black
thomspson twins / lay your hands on me
wendy and lisa / always in my dreams
prince / do me baby
alanis / hand in my pocket
siouxsie & the banshees / face to face
meshell ndegeocello / fool of me

what the hell is a hair show?

so i've recently got a bunch of emails more or less asking "what the fuck do you really do"? so i thought this is the perfect time as i've just finished a major show and wanted to share a couple of interesting pics:



there are 3 main aspects to my job as "show & production manager" - produce, facilitate, plan & execute: 1) hair shows, 2) corporate meetings and 3) trade shows. most people don't have a clue what a hair show is so i tend to explain it like this - think of a fashion show, now make it about the hair and not the clothes, make it 5-8 hours long and make it about educating and inspiring hairdressers. that's what a hair show is. on a show such as the one pictured above, we spend approx 4-8 months planning all facets of the show; from working with the guest artists (the people on stage cutting and coloring the hair), to facilitating model searches, to arranging for props or special stage actions the artist wants, to planning for food and plumbing and electrical needs. depending on the event, sometimes i'm the stage manager, sometimes i'm the director, sometimes i'm orchestrating all of the various things that surround and support what's actually happening on stage or at the meeting. it's a pretty awesome job if you ask me.

scott over at scott-o-rama had an interesting post about liking/loving/hating your job and feel somewhat guilty that i truly love my job. i also realize how lucky i am to be able to say that. not only do i love my job, but i completely and totally respect the company i work for - from the products we make, to the ways in which we support and honor the environment. it makes working the oftentimes very long hours planning our events all worth it

rest in peace steve irwin

rest in peace steve.

ok, i seriously loved steve 'the crocodile hunter' - i mean, yea, he had that hot aussie accent, and he was hot in that hunky/beefy outdoorsman kinda of way, but he was also an amazing zoologist who's passion for all things environmental and ecological. you could see his passion and excitement anytime he was willing to make a fool of himself to talk about animals.

he was brilliant at making one feel immediately at ease with the animal world he and his wife showed on their various shows - he will be missed.

oh, and to those who will say he deserved it, nobody deserves to have what happened to him happened to them. i will agree that it was probably inevitable that something like this happened to him, but he certainly didn't deserve it. saying he deserved it is the easy way to go...

rip croc hunter.

magni oh magni

may i present my future husband magni:

some will say 'but he's married/straight' - not in my world. he's mine, i call him. dibs. he could have me at "góðan daginn"